Saturday, January 30, 2010


"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, 
for the Lord anointed me to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that 
captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn that
the time of the Lord's favor has come...
I am overwhelmed with JOY in the Lord my God!
For He has dressed me with the clothing of salvation
and draped me in a robe of righteousness." - Isaiah 61

I challenge you to fulfill this verse this week.
In the way you speak, the way you think, the way you act

"Turn away from evil and do good
Search for peace, and work to maintain it." - 1 Peter 3:11

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


The carrots were on my side today.

... let me explain.  When I go into the caf to get food, I typically get a salad. And I like to have carrots on my salad.  Every time, though, without fail, the carrots are on the other side of the salad bar, and I can't reach them.  So I have to walk around.  I've even tried switching up which side of the salad bar I go to, but I never seem to remember to check where the carrots are located.  And no matter if I switch sides from day to day or stay the same for a week, the carrots just seem to flee from me.
But not today.
Today, the carrots were on my side.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

A long way from love.

"The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything." -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

7 months.
That's all it takes to go from one extreme frame of mind to another.
7 months ago, I was in Malawi, Africa, without a care in the world. All that mattered was loving people and experiencing life. I didn't care if I was dirty or if I had acne or if I had clean clothes. I cared about loving people. I was free.
Now that I'm in the "land of opportunity," where I can get an education, buy anything I want, grow up to raise my 2.5 children, and live completely oblivious to any hurt in the world, I feel so trapped. Ironic.
Sometimes it makes me sick how much I've allowed myself to slip back into the comfortable life I had hated and cried over 7 months ago. I have it so backwards.

A few months ago, when Logan and I decided to date again, I decided that I would learn what real love means. Not infatuation, not "loving" someone because they are nice to you, but thick and thin love.
I had been reading 1 Corinthians 13 over and over, trying to gather at least a little bit of meaning. If you've never read that verse, it is just crammed with descriptions of love... all of which are powerful and hard to reconcile with "love" as our self-centered, divorce-ridden society knows it. I have written in the margins of 1 Corinth. 13, "I'm a long way from love."
I guess it's good that I haven't reached the point where I'm happy with who I am as a whole, because I want to keep striving, I'm just feeling kind of frustrated. The person who, ideally, I want to be and the person who I am are just not matching up today.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Road Less Traveled

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost

So, I want to apologize if sometimes it seems like I talk about spirituality too much or like I'm being artificial.  If it's any consolation, I don't think I'm artificial, but I'm also a little biased, I suppose.  Honestly, I think I am too dependent on God not to talk about Him. He has made me to be totally needy, and so most of who I am is tied up in who He is.  Or at least... I try to be that way.

I wasn't exactly sure what to write about today... I guess I was slightly lacking creative inspiration for a while, but never fear!
I found some.
So, I kind of had a crazy night. I went to go pick my friend up about 10 minutes away, but I took the wrong turn a few times on the way there, thanks to Karen the GPS. Keep in mind, it's 11:00 and foggy and I'm tired. Great combo, right? Meanwhile, I'm talking to Logan on the phone (no comments, Mom or Lori), and my phone dies.  Great.  If you don't know me, I'm kind of famous for my thriving relationship with modern technology (ha! those of you who know me also know that there is no fact on this earth that is further from the truth).  Anyways, so I'm driving along, phoneless, in the foggy, misty nastiness, my fate in the hands of Karen the GPS to get me to my friend.  Karen didn't fail... I got there just fine, only to search for 20 minutes and find that my friend had already left.  So, I make my way home and get lost a few more times, making a typical 20 minute trip into a 60 minute one.
Little do I know that all of my friends are calling and texting everyone I know, telling them I jumped off a cliff or something ridiculous. Hey, at least they care.
Whew. Ok. Lots of words.
Well some of my friends were supposed to be at IHOP at this time, and so I get the bright idea to stop at some random IHOP far away from school in the belief that they would be there.
They weren't.
At this point, I'm frustrated and stressed and just want to teleport myself back to campus. So I just drive and pray that I'm going the right direction. I put on some good music, I jammed, and I absolutely loved the time alone! It was so nice to just drive and not even know or care where I was going.
The point is, why are we so stressed about figuring everything out? Why am I so stressed about figuring everything out? I just gotta drive and jam and I'll get there.
I hope you have peace this week.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"It's such a beautiful story - I'm face to face with the King of Glory. He rescued someone unworthy; I know this is love." - Phil Wickham "Crumble to Pieces"

The world is so beautiful.
I just can't help but notice lately.
I'm currently procrastinating my 20+ hours of homework (ok.. maybe I'm exaggerating a little..), and outside the window, I'm watching the sky turn from a cold grayish blue to warm honey color.  This is my favorite part of the day. It's the few moments right before sunset, when everything that the sun touches becomes golden.. as if every tree and every building were suddenly put in an oven and baked to golden-brown, not too gooey, not to crisp, perfection.  It only happens once a day... and some days it doesn't even happen.  Even now, the warmness is gone and the colors of the sunset are beginning to sneak in.
Last night, I went to a concert where I got to witness multiple artists and poets and singers and drummers use their talents. It seriously is humbling to me to watch people use gifts like that. There's no way those gifts come from nowhere. Afterwards, I felt so inspired, blessed, humbled, and small.
Last night, when I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I walked into my room and my roommate had my favorite song playing on her computer. She didn't know I even liked that song, and I didn't say anything about it, but it helped.
I thought I had lost my license at the airport, but today in chapel, when I opened up one of my little daily devotional books, my license was laying smack dab in the middle of it.
I don't really have a lot to say. Just mainly that God is good and He has not forgotten us.
I say us, because I know that if He is still loving on me, He has gotta be loving on you.
I hope you notice His love today.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I Surrender All.

I should not be up this late, school starts early tomorrow.
Nonetheless, here I am.
New room, new semester, new me (kinda).
Although the feeling has already somewhat subsided from earlier this morning, I was feeling extremely sad to leave my family and my home. I know the "norm" is supposedly to be so pumped to get back to school. And I was excited to see all my friends. But it's hard when some of the most important people in my life aren't here.
Today in my youth group from home, Doug (my youth minister) talked about waiting in obedience for God to move in your life. 
That. Is. So. Hard.
But that's what I'm doing right now... or trying to do.
I know that God sent me here for a reason. I know that HE has a purpose for me and the people around me at OC. So I am going to obediently wait for Him to uphold His end of the promise, while I uphold mine. 
I am kind of at a crossroads right now, where I feel like I could take any step and it could drastically change the entire course of my life. I'm too ambitious, and I want it all at once. I want to dive in, headfirst, but I don't know where jump from. 
So, I am choosing to surrender my future.
This isn't my idea... I took it from Doug, because when he was talking about it, it sounded like something I should try. I don't know what's ahead. So why worry about it? 

"God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!" - Ephesians 3:20

Thanks to Kathryne Channell for reminding me of this when I needed to hear it. 
I hope you imaginary readers need it, too. 


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I am, because we are.


"I no doubt deserve my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends."   - Walt Whitman
This is how I'm feeling today - way too overly blessed for my amazing friends. 
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to sit and talk with two amazing, Godly women for a while, and it just really put me at ease. 
Today, I got the chance to hang out with three girls that I pretty much spent all of middle school and a large portion of high school with. We met in youth group, and we literally used to all hang out pretty much every day. But, the longer we went to different schools, and the closer we got to other friends, the more we grew apart. BUT, today was the first time in a long time we were all (well almost all.. minus Taylor :( ...) together, and it was just like old times! Despite everything that's happened since we were really close, we picked up right where we left off. I seriously just feel so blessed. 
Not to keep bragging on my awesome friends, but I also got to eat lunch with my mommy today! And any time with her is always refreshing and fun. :)
To top it all off, I have been able to spend tons of time with my best friend lately. (I say "tons," but I don't even think all day, every day would be enough time for us). My boyfriend, Logan, is such an incredible man and I enjoy every second I spend with him... even when we're arguing. He told me today that he didn't like the idea of me having a blog, because then there wouldn't be anything that only he knows...haha. 
Anyways, I'm just realizing how insignificant I am without the people who surround me. Thank God for friends. 

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Here we go.

I'm making an attempt at blogging. 
I've tried a few times before, but I've never really followed through, so maybe this is my chance to actually start something and stick to it. I love to write and journal, and I guess this is pretty much just like journaling, only public and less personal. 
Anyways, sometimes I need a place to vent, and writing in a journal can occasionally cause hand cramps and impatience.
Hence the blogging. 
I doubt anyone will ever read this... but that's alright. At least I can have a little peace of mind by writing it. 
Since you, the imaginary reader, may not know much about me, I guess I could tell you a few things about myself.
-I'm a freshman in college at OC.
-I have an amazing family, and an amazing boyfriend.
-God is my Life, my Joy, my Peace, my Constant, my Counsel, my Healer. I would, without a doubt, be screwed without Him.
-I like to think outside the box. 
-I hate complacency. 
-I am living with half a heart, because the other half is in Malawi, otherwise known as "The Warm Heart of Africa." 

Ok, enough talk about me for now. 
Hopefully, there will be more soon.