I don't know if you struggle as I do with never feeling like I've "done" enough for the Kingdom of God. The enemy looms over me, whispering to me that my efforts are worthless, my strivings are in vain, I'm spinning my wheels, getting nowhere. Well, I've been reading The Me I Want to Be, and John Ortberg (though perhaps indirectly) addresses this issue of mine and of the Church. Or perhaps his thoughts just stirred up my thoughts.
God doesn't require results from us. He doesn't ask for a 6-month report. He doesn't even ask that we keep record of our "good deeds." While I believe that faith without deeds is dead, I also believe that the Lord is after more than a list of charity donations and mission trips.
He's after our hearts.
Why is it that I can call the number on the TV that is showing me pictures of crying African children and abused puppies, and I can donate my money, and I still wake up the next morning feeling purposeless, meaningless? Shouldn't my list of good deeds fulfill me, give me a purpose? I am just now grasping in my heart that He is not after my little acts of goodwill (though He does call us to give, and give and give and give). After all, isn't He perfectly capable of ending world hunger, preventing tsunamis and earthquakes and nuclear power plant explosions if He so chooses? Is He not bigger than me? Does He really require of me little acts of kindness? Of course, the answer is yes. But He is, first and foremost, after my heart. I'm realizing more and more that deep, genuine, intimate relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Spirit is the only answer to fulfillment in this life. We can't find lasting purpose or fulfilled life apart from Him. I've been realizing just how incomprehensible and uncontainable the Lord is. He will not be boxed in. He will not be limited to a list of humanitarian acts. He is a living, breathing, roaring force of Love and Goodness, and He is calling after our hearts. The very center of who we are. And our hearts, our guts, our souls are desperately crying out for Him.
He has been meeting me in the most unlikely of places. Like a Monday afternoon walk with my main man. He's cute, I know.