Monday, May 3, 2010

Ghana 2010.

I am about to be extremely open and vulnerable with you.  Christianity has become largely about appearing "good" or "holy" rather than true community or vulnerability, and I am about to share with you some not-so-good or holy inner thoughts.  I ask that you not take that vulnerability for granted.

Tomorrow, I will be leaving for the Village of Hope in Ghana for the duration of three weeks.
I'm traveling with a team of college students from Oklahoma Christian and the campus minister from Memorial Road Church of Christ, and we will basically be getting to know the kids, helping with construction, putting on a week-long VBS, and doing anything the Village of Hope needs us to.

Last year I traveled to Malawi, which is located on the other side of the continent from Ghana, and I can safely say that I was fearless even as I boarded the 3-day-long series of flights (minus one minor breakdown). This year, however, I am having flashbacks of Moses' encounter with God at the burning bush. "I don't speak well, God. Please, send someone else."
That is how I feel. "God, please, send someone else. I'm not right for this job." I don't feel ready, I don't feel prepared, I don't feel called. But, at the same time, I know that God has called me to Ghana. I know that God has called me into relationship with people all over the world, because I simply love people. When I think about it, really think about it, I know in my heart that Africa is where I want to be. But I'm entering the trip with a lot of expectations carried over from Malawi that I need to lay down. Plus, I'm downright humbled at the thought of a 3-week period without communication to the people I talk to every day. Most ashamedly, I am lazy. I just got home from my first year at college, I had to drive 11 hours by myself, we were displaced from our house because of flooding and I didn't even get to stay in my own bed, and all I want to do in this moment is settle down in my living room and rest.
I know... poor me, right? WRONG. Not poor me. My life is not about me or my comfort level. It is about God and the fact that He has called me. It is about the fact that God is teaching me to lean on Him in every situation. It is about the feeling that I will have once I'm in Ghana - the peace and the assurance that I am right where I need to be. My life, plain and simply, is about learning to lay down me.
Jesus, please help me.
I ask for your bold and faithful prayers on behalf of our team, on behalf of the children of VOH, and on behalf of my stubborn attitude. God has a lot of work to do on this trip. Good thing He's God.

Much love. Stay safe and stay at peace.

"Though an army besiege me, 
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek,
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to see Him in His temple."
-Psalm 27:3-4

1 comment:

  1. love you dear sister and praying for you every day. you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings